you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
