u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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