Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
