I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
