please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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