I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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