It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
