Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
