Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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