I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
there is puke in my bra ... again
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
