I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
