This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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