Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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