I wannas sexs uuuuu
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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