I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
