Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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