so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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