No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize