I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
