I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
