Where did you get a picture of my penis
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just invented taco cereal.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
