you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
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If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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