There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
