You're my little dorito
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
