When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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