I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
