Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
