I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
