When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
