So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
