I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
