I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
