Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
