so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well