Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.