Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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