i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
