and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
40s are totally the cure
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
