I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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