Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
