I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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