This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
