i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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