shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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