either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
