My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
