I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm jealous of your bromance
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
