I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
