yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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