i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
