Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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