if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
