I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
