I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
