can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
