the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
