Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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