Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
