That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
