I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
