Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
