Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
