The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have aggressive nipples.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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