i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
