I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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