i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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