Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
