his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
