I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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