Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
