Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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