My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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