I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
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nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way