Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake