Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good