my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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