I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
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Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes