That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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