Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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