You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
false alarm. still invincible.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dating After Heartbreak
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most