I want to stick my p in your. b.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
