I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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