bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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