It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
